They were compassionate and provided me the guidance I needed to persevere through my situations. After everything I have been through, these women were not critical. However, the women who supported me most were the ones who didn’t even give birth to me. I have made countless mistakes, stupid decisions, and been selfish on multiple occasions.
With that being said, I realized this- Maternity does not determine a motherly relationship unconditional love does. These are the things that most people get from their mothers, and what some get from other figures. The age I’m at right now requires a lot of support, love and encouragement to get by. Stress is almost overbearing while reality gives me slaps in the face daily. I am currently in one of the most important phases of my life that basically dictates my future. Recently, however I have come to a realization about motherly relationships. I continued wishing women who were important in my life a happy Mother’s Day and let them know how much I appreciated them. I accepted my situation, but I didn’t approve. I was so happy to see that there was a happy family, but as I said earlier- I didn’t have what they had. When I went to my friends’ houses and saw how their mother and them were so close, it tore me up on the inside. Since there was no possible way to obtain this relationship, I beat myself up over it.
Mothers who describe their pregnancy say that the bond that develops during pregnancy is one that cannot be felt with anyone else. For the longest time, I believed birth was the true binder between a mother and child. I desperately craved this mother-daughter relationship that couldn’t be broken.
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From my father, step-mothers, grandmothers, my friends’ moms or close relatives, I could never find full satisfaction with my situation-especially on Mother’s Day. Other people, both men and women, assumed a motherly role they didn’t have to take on.
For the last 19 years, I haven’t had my blood mother in my life.
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